Over the last few months we have been discussing the prevalence of bullies in the workplace. We’ve talked about identifying bullying behavior and what to do if you are a witness or the target. If you have been reading our articles and thinking you’ve never experienced anything like this… or you think the whole issue is ridiculous… you might need to take a serious look at yourself to see if just maybe- you could be the bully.
Let’s start with the assessment below to find out if others might think you exhibit bullying behaviors. Circle the number in the column that best suits your answer to each statement, then add up your score.
Workplace Bullying Assessment | Definitely does not describe me | Describes me a little bit, or sometimes | Yes, this definitely describes me |
1. I have a low tolerance for mistakes and poor performance | 1 | 2 | 3 |
2. At times I find myself talking down to other people | 1 | 2 | 3 |
3. I don’t pay too much attention to how my behaviors affect other people’s feelings | 1 | 2 | 3 |
4. I think conflict is about winning | 1 | 2 | 3 |
5. If a co-worker is not performing according to my standards, I feel it’s my duty to let them know, even if it hurts their feelings | 1 | 2 | 3 |
6. I have been in intense conflict with subordinates or peers | 1 | 2 | 3 |
7. I tend to micromanage my subordinates or co-workers | 1 | 2 | 3 |
8. I rarely praise fellow employees for a “job well done” | 1 | 2 | 3 |
9. I’m guilty of spreading gossip | 1 | 2 | 3 |
10. When I argue, I usually end up yelling | 1 | 2 | 3 |
11. When I get stressed out I’m not very pleasant to be around | 1 | 2 | 3 |
12. I’ve held, or currently hold, a grudge or two against others | 1 | 2 | 3 |
13. I have been told my communication skills are too aggressive | 1 | 2 | 3 |
14. I have received low scores on employee evaluations for lacking effective communication skills | 1 | 2 | 3 |
15. I get angry when things don’t go the way I expect them to | 1 | 2 | 3 |
If you circled mostly 1’s, then congratulations, you are an amazing co-worker! It seems you understand the importance of teamwork, you know that relationships are important, and you are a great communicator. Co-workers likely respect you a lot, and enjoy working with you.
If you’re like most people, you circled some 2’s, which means you’re not perfect and sometimes your emotions get the best of you. If you circled a lot of 2’s, then you may be considered aggressive by others, and you’ll want to keep in mind that effective communication and healthy relationships are the key to your own personal success.
If you circled any 3’s, your behavior may be disrupting the workplace and causing some hurt and anguish. Re-think how you communicate with people at work, and figure out how you can learn to become a more tolerant – and respectful – communicator.
There are actually so many reasons people “act out” that I could write a whole book on it. Emotions, past experiences, perceptions, self-concept, communication skills and more all play a role in why we behave the way we do. That said, here are five of the most common reasons you might engage in bullying behavior sometimes:
Next time you find yourself in a conflict situation, keep these three steps in mind:
Instead of assuming this person is just incompetent, consider what other factors may be a part of the problem, and work with this person to get better. A great leader is a coach, not an abuser.
Micromanaging could also mean you are focused on your power – you’re a manager and everyone’s going to know it. If this is the case, there’s something wrong, and it’s not your employees’ performance. You’ve got to learn to relax and let people do their work.
Catherine Mattice
Catherine M. Mattice, MA, SPHR, SHRM-SCP, is President of consulting and training firm, Civility Partners, and has been successfully providing programs in workplace bullying and building positive workplaces since 2007. Her clients include Chevron, the American Red Cross, the military, several universities and hospitals, government agencies, small businesses and nonprofits. She has published in a variety of trade magazines and has appeared several times on national affiliates of FOX, NBC, and ABC as an expert, as well as in USA Today, Inc Magazine, Huffington Post, Entrepreneur Magazine, and NPR. In his book foreword, Ken Blanchard called her book, BACK OFF! Your Kick-Ass Guide to Ending Bullying at Work, “the most comprehensive and valuable handbook on the topic.” She recently released her second book, SEEKING CIVILITY: How Leaders, Managers and HR Can Create a Workplace Free of Bullying.
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